CHEVRON SONG

Lately, it seems you’ve been talkin’ ‘bout me. You don’t like what you see.
You want something new.

I heard you talkin’ ‘bout solar and wind energy and geothermal which is hurtful to me.
Yes, it hurts. Imagine that- an oil company with a heart just like you.

Please, don’t leave me; after all that we’ve been through.
I supplied your every demand. Now, you’re biting the hand
That’s fueled you and warmed you. Who are you?

You can’t leave me. After all I’ve done for you.
I’ve been from oceans to deserts; from war zones to Texas.
Your local gas pump’s got my name on the front.

Come on, baby. I know you need me. I know you want me.
I’m worth all your extra money. You love a guy who’s crude. Come on, now.

I know you like it when I tap that land. Tap that land. Again and again and again.
Gallons of my stuff fill you up, quench your lust, thrusting, busting into virgin land.

I’m pumping and plunging and when I start gushing, my sticky black fluid flies bubbling out of my plumbing. You know my big drill’s gonna keep you coming… back for more.

You can’t leave me. I didn’t want it to come to this.
But, just so you know, you’re dealing with someone who’s dangerous.

I’m Big Oil- the slick pimp of the spoils of war. I killed the electric car. I’ll strangle you like a python at the pump, construct Burmese pipelines with slave labor, prop up dictators, dictate legislators, I stake the claim to Cheney’s fame. I’ll send your babies to die in wars overseas you can’t believe in. Ice melts, my wealth crystallizes titanic. Look at yourself, a bastard in a basket searching for answers. I’m driving a tanker over Kate Winslet’s life raft. Imagine that.

Don’t you dare leave me.