Hey, I’d really like to be your brother. I’m new here at school and so far from my mother. Hey, do you guys like science and math? Do you like to shoot hoops and just sit around and laugh?
I want to join your fraternity where the guys are cool and the beer is free. Get lots of girls to come back to my dorm. I am young and impressionable and ready to conform.
Well, now I drink lots of beer and I can puke on command. I’m living in a haze, but hey, I learned to be a man. I can recite the entire Greek alphabet but I am failing my classes and growing smelly and fat.
So, come on and join my fraternity. If you pay all your dues, then the beer is free. Come learn a lesson in hedonism. I can’t believe I ate a cookie covered in…
Well, the Sigma Nu’s, they drink their own pee. And, the pledges walk funny down at SAE. And, if you go over to Sigma Chi, you’ll see barnyard animals just break down and “baaaa!”. And, oh my God, have you seen the Tekes? They make Satan proud during their Hell Week. And, even President George W Bush branded DKE on many a tush.
So, if you want to meet a future Senator, or reminisce about the times you won’t remember, then join a frat. You can’t go wrong. Just remember, graduating is going to take really long. Too many hits from the bong. Wake up wearing a thong. Right out on the front lawn. Under some guy named Tom. Phi Alpha.