GARY SHEFFIELD

(Parody of “Centerfield” by John Fogerty)

I’m swinging the bat so hard that my coach is overjoyed.  But, my mood’s also swinging and I’m feeling paranoid.  What used to be only short fly balls are now going over the wall.  But, those aren’t the only balls that are getting small.

Give me some ‘roids.  I want to play like Barry.  Put them in me, Coach!  I wanna be Giambi.  Look at me!  I’m Gary Sheffield.

My softball team is looking at me ‘cause I just threw my bat.  I kicked over the water cooler, I cursed and I spat.  In the long term these drugs can harm my liver and aorta or they could make me Governor of California.

Give me some ‘roids!  I wanna play like Barry!  Put them in me coach!  I want to be God like A-Rod!  Look at me!  I’m Gary Sheffield!