TEACH YOUR KIDS

Teach your kids how to safely screw,

Or they’ll screw up and have stupid kids like you.

Well, if your daughter’s going out to ride a horse

Would you teach her how to put on a saddle first?

And if your boy’s going out to fish bass in a pond

Would you teach him how to handle his fishing rod?

Your son’s got a gun.  You gotta teach him how to hunt.

And your daughter’s gotta tend that fire burning in her oven.

So, teach your kids how to safely screw,

Or they’ll screw up and have stupid kids like you.

She’s gonna ride in a car.  She should think for herself.

You should teach her all about safety belts.

And if your boy’s gonna farm he should learn indeed

How and where he’s gonna plant his seed

Abstinence is good, but it sure ain’t bliss

Don’t abstain your kids from thought or they’ll get syphilis

So, teach your kids how to safely screw or they’ll screw up and have stupid kids like you.

If your kids mountain climb teach them how to get off their rocks.

Make sure they don’t get some sores and wear some socks.

If watermelon’s what your kids like to eat

You gotta tell ‘em, “don’t swallow.  Spit those seeds.”

Teach them that sex is worth the wait.

Until the right person comes, they can master…

Their patience.

So teach your kids how to safely screw or they’ll screw up and have stupid kids like you.

They’re bound to do it so give ‘em peace of mind.

When they get a piece they’ll know just what they find.

If you’re gonna keep ‘em ignorant

Someone else’ll teach ‘em how to get pregnant.